As parents, we want nothing more than to keep our children safe. We teach them to look both ways before crossing the street, to wear helmets while riding bikes, and to avoid strangers. Yet, one of the most important areas of safety—body safety—is often misunderstood or overlooked, and many parents mistakenly think it’s the same as sex education. It’s not. And many folks misunderstand where the real risks are actually found.
Why Body Safety Is Critical
Body safety focuses on teaching kids, in a kid-friendly way, to identify their feelings and take action when they feel worried or unsafe. It is grounded in respect for body autonomy and communication.
The statistics surrounding child sexual abuse are sobering. Research shows that 70% of child sexual abuse cases involve other children. Even more alarming, 90% of sexual abuse happens within the inner circle of people we know—family members, friends, older children, siblings, or “trusted adults.” One in four girls and one in six boys will be abused before they are 18! And 68% of child sexual abuse is never reported.
So… this is a very serious problem! It’s the biggest risk to a child’s physical and emotional health, all over the world. But, it can be prevented.
Understanding these statistics helps us shift the conversation away from the myth that strangers pose the biggest risk.
For example, a trusted babysitter or a well-loved coach who has time and opportunity alone with your child can be a risk. But, let’s not forget the cousins, and other relatives you see during the holidays. When children gather with cousins, relatives, and family friends, the opportunity for unsupervised interactions increases. That’s why as parents, it’s crucial to not only teach body safety but also put proactive measures in place to protect our children.
Adding to this is the new frontier of technology. The rise of social media, online interactions, and the development of Generative AI makes it even more important to start these conversations early.
The good news? The easiest way to introduce this topic is through great children’s books designed to teach body safety. Parents can use these resources to reduce the risks and empower their families, opening up critical discussions in an approachable way. (See the references at the end of this article for recommended books.)
Five Key Strategies for Teaching Body Safety
- Anatomically Correct Terms
Teaching children anatomically correct words is crucial for fostering clear communication in regards to reporting abuse. Additionally, using proper terms promotes body positivity and reduces the stigma or embarrassment often associated with discussing private parts. (Some great books: All About Vulvas and Vaginas, All About Penises by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller.)
- Body Autonomy
At the heart of body safety is the concept of body autonomy—the understanding that a child has ownership over their body and the right to make decisions about it. Children should learn early on that they can say “no” to any touch, even from people they love, and that this boundary should be respected. Teaching body autonomy is as simple as letting a child decide whether they want to hug or high-five a relative. If they don’t feel comfortable, that’s okay. It’s about respecting their choices and not forcing physical affection.
- Consent
Consent is another foundational aspect of body safety. It’s not just about asking permission before touching someone but also understanding that consent can be withdrawn at any time. Children need to learn that “yes” and “no” are powerful words, and they must always be respected.
When teaching children about consent, emphasize that they should always ask for permission before touching someone else—whether it’s a friend, sibling, or adult. Likewise, they should expect others to ask them before being touched. A practical way to implement this is to model it in daily life: “Can I give you a hug?” or “Is it okay if I help you with your jacket?”
- No secrets!
Most sexual abuse involves some form of secrecy. Parents should make it clear that there is a difference between secrets and surprises. A “red flag secret” is a secret that has to do with an unsafe situation or a private part. It’s not a bad idea to implement a “no secrets” rule.
- Flagging Feelings
Children often have gut feelings that something isn’t right, but they may not always have the words to express it. Teaching them to flag their feelings by using colors red, yellow, and green—recognizing and naming discomfort, fear, or unease—can be a powerful tool in keeping them safe.
You can help your child by giving names to feelings like “butterflies in the stomach,” a “yucky” or “weird” feeling, or simply feeling unsafe. Adding a color to these feelings can be a visual reinforcement. Reinforce that these feelings are important signals their body is sending them, and they should always listen to those signals.
- Identifying Safe Adults
Helping children understand who they can turn to in uncomfortable or unsafe situations is essential. A great way to achieve this is by making a green flag list of adults and talk about why that person is on the list.
A safe adult can be defined by their behavior and your child’s feelings. For example, a safe adult would never:
• ask a child to keep any secrets from a parent or guardian.
• ask a child to lie.
• ask a child to break a body-safety rule.
• ask a child to do anything that made the child upset or uncomfortable.
• bribe, trick, or blackmail a child into doing anything.
• threaten a child in any way.
• use mean, aggressive, or sexual language.
• ask a child for inappropriate pictures.
• claim to be a child’s “special friend.”
• buy a child things that their parents or guardians don’t know about.
• try to spend extra alone time with a child.
Adults who do these types of things are unsafe! (Body Safety for Young Children: Empowering Caring Adults, 2023)
It’s Time to Talk Turkey: Extra Precautions During Holidays and Gatherings
The holidays and family gatherings can bring joy, but they also bring increased risk. Here are a few simple, proactive steps to help keep your children safe during these events:
1. Highly Supervise: Avoid sending all kids to the playroom or basement without a safe adult. Even if it’s just cousins or family friends, it’s important to keep an eye on their interactions. Children may unintentionally cross boundaries during play, especially if they haven’t been taught body safety skills.
2. Check Devices at the Door: Collect phones, tablets, and video games upon arrival. This not only encourages real connection but also limits unsupervised access to the internet and reduces the chance of inappropriate media being shared. Even video games like Roblox are not safe!
3. Keep Kids in Observable Areas: Ensure that children play in spaces where they can be seen and easily checked on, like the living room or kitchen. Avoid allowing them into bedrooms or other secluded areas without adult supervision.
4. Check-In Regularly: Periodically check in with your child during the gathering, asking how they’re feeling and if they need anything. This also provides opportunities for them to flag any uncomfortable feelings they may be experiencing.
5. Debrief After Gatherings: Once the gathering is over, take time to check in with your child about their experiences. Ask open-ended questions: “How did you feel today?” or “Did anything make you uncomfortable?” This helps them reflect on their feelings and share any concerns.
As you prepare for the next family gathering or holiday, take proactive steps to keep your children safe. Read a few books with your child, have a few body safety chats! And keep talking.
By doing so, you help create a circle of comfort and openness over an often tough topic.
Top 3 Books Recommended for School and Children’s Libraries:
I Said No! A kid-to-kid guide to keeping private parts private (King,2020)
My body! What I say goes (Sanders,2016)
Please Tell! A child’s story about sexual abuse (1991)
